I feel like an asshole, sort of, but I can't help but appreciate the way that my life has improved in the past couple of months.  I missmissmiss her.  Her passing really didn't affect my day-to-day life, but sometimes I have to remind myself that she's not just at the other end of a text message.

But I can't honestly say that this money was unwelcome.  I've bought a new car, I can put some in savings, I can take my cats to the vet, I can pay off my student loans...I mean, wow.  This ability to be a functioning adult is just amazing.  I've never had the means to get myself on track.  But here I am.

And soon I'm going to go to Birmingham and I'm going to talk to her.  I never understood that before, but I will.  Even though she knows what's happening, I'd like to have a conversation with her.